The Day Crazed Fans Tourtur Killed Lauren Mallory
by VampiressE12B
Summary: Threequle to the Crazed fan serios. we are hiding in the woods after our murder of mike and we now have decided that it is time for lauren to die!
1. Disscusions and Camping

Camping and Discussions

_**AN/ I love this series but no one ever seems to want to read them?**_

**Disclaimer:**** I own nothing. **

**Kylie's POV**

I set up the 3-person tent that was in the hummer's trunk. I guess the original owner was going camping.

"I'm hungry." Daytona said after a while. I had already gotten the tent set up and was starting a fire. Sam passed by to put some more wood on the pile. As she passed I heard her stomach rumble too. "If those people were camping did they have any food with them?" Daytona asked.

I looked in the trunk and saw 3 coolers. "Yeah I think they did!" I said happily. Daytona went back to reading the rest of Eclipse. She hadn't read it yet. And Sam started the fire for me while I looked at the food. I decided to make the roman noodles. I took out a pan and started cooking.

Mid way through the boiling process, I heard Daytona shout _**"That God Dm werewolf!!!" **_

"You got to the part were he kisses her didn't you?" I asked she nodded yes and kept reading.

I finished the soup at about 8:00. We all sat down to a nice campfire dinner and ate roman noodles and drank some starbucks frapochinos that Sam found in the drink cooler.

At 9:00 when it was late we got in the tent and lied down and went to sleep. We had a long day tomorrow. For we were now on a mission to kill….

Lauren Christabel Mallory.

_**AN/ did you like the Christabel reference? You wont get it unless you've read my other story **__**Always there.**__** Yay I'm back!!**_


	2. Walmart

Wal-Mart

_**AN/ read **__**15 Wal-mart must do's**___

_**15 Things to do when you're in Wal-Mart!**_

_**1. Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.**_

_**2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.**_

_**3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,  
" 'Code 3' in house wares"... and see what happens.**_

_**4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.**_

_**5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.**_

_**6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.**_

_**7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,  
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"**_

_**8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.**_

_**9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.**_

_**10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.**_

_**11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look"**_

_**12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,  
say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"**_

_**13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..  
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"**_

_**14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!**_

_**15.Grap a lot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go**_

_**Found this on some ones profile. Isn't it funny??**_

**Disclaimer:**** I don't own Wal-Mart or twilight. **

**Kylie's POV**

We stopped at Wal-Mart in Port Angeles. Wal mart is awesome.

"Pick me pick me!! Wait no your to fat for me." I heard Sam whisper yell in the cloths rack to a SUPER skinny woman in her early 20s. She looked incredibly insulted, it made me giggle.

I walked over and pulled Sam out of the rack.

"Oh come on Kylie! Your mom wouldn't take us when we wanted to go!!" She whined.

"Yes but we weren't wanted criminals then." I whispered to her.

"Oh right." She said remembering.

"Hey guys can we use this!!??" We heard Daytona yell from across the store. We ran back to where she was in the Halloween section.

"Wow its Halloween already??" I asked. "Ohhh!! I want these!!" I yelled and grabbed some plastic fangs off the shelf. I turned to see what Daytona had found.

Pink hair dye. Ohh this would be fun. I nodded and put it in the cart. Sam squealed and hopped in it. I had to push her fat butt around for the rest of the trip. Oh joy. _**(Yes Sam I know you don't have a fat butt. I just thought it would be funnier.) **_We also picked up some silly string.

And then I saw it. Sitting there on the shelf with a 75 off Singh. It was perfect.

Sam saw me staring at the perfect shiny glossy silver microwave and smiled the scariest maniac grin you would ever see.

"This is it?" she asked.

"Oh yeah. This is what were using." I said.

Sam called over to Daytona to see our new death machine. She agreed that it was perfect. Then we started to shop some more. I wasn't really in this world though. I just stared at the microwave and its smooth perfection.

Eventually we got everything we needed:

Scissors

Catnip

Stickers

Purple lipstick

Sparkly pink fake eyelashes

Eggs

And of coarse a camera.

And then we headed out to the hummer.

_**AN/ I am SO sorry for not updating sooner but it is school and I was really stressed. Plus writers block does nothing to help that. Again SO SO SO sorry. Do you forgive me??? puppy eyes **_


	3. Yellow Pages

Yellow Pages

AN/ I couldn't think of another way to find the address, so next Story, when I start it if you have and idea please tell me before I need it.

**Disclaimer:**** I don't own Yellow Pages or twilight. If I made up the address would I own that?**

**Kylie's POV**

"Where's the best place to find a yellow pages??" I asked Daytona.

"Umm, probably the library." She answered.

Sam pulled in to the forks library. We would find the phone book in there. We got out of the car and walked in quietly. We headed straight to the phone book and contacts aisle. _**AN/ ha just made that up on whim. I have no idea what section they would be in, mine doesn't even carry them. **_

We couldn't find a yellow pages. There were different contacts for hospitals, hiking areas, campgrounds, and cars insurance. But no yellow pages. I heard some one come up behind us and instantly turned around, as did Daytona but Sam just kept throwing books over her shoulder muttering.

It was a girl with short brown hair and soft brown eyes. She was one of the tallest people I've ever seen and reminded me strangely of a mouse. _**AN/ can you guess who it is??? No it's not Bella.**_ In her hands she held the sacred yellow pages.

I was still in shock from recognizing her when Daytona spoke up.

"Umm, what's your name you look familiar?"

"OH. I'm Angela. You must be visiting some one, I don't think I've seen you around." She said shyly.

"Yes we are." I said, trying to figure out how to get that yellow pages away from her. I eventually came up with a plan. I met Sam and Daytona's eyes and saw instant understanding. Sometimes we seemed telepathic. Cool we're like Edward!

I didn't want to hurt poor Angela Weber any more then they, but we knew that if she remembered our faces, we would be in serious trouble.

Suddenly, we attacked! Jumping on the mouse like girl, we quickly knocked her out before anyone could notice the quit scuffle. We then dragged her unconscious body to a chair and put the other book she had been carrying under her head so that when she awoke, she would think she had just fallen asleep.

Then we took the book, and when the librarian's head was turned, ran like we were being attacked by evil marshmallows to the car and drove away.

Once in the car, Sam started to look for the address.

"I found it!" she yelled after a few minutes. "1223 Chafter Drive." She said confidently and Daytona headed in that direction.

AN/ I didn't originally plan for Angela to be in this, but I don't have her in much and she was such a good friend to Bella.


	4. Throwing Up

Throwing up

_**AN/ Fun. **_

**Disclaimer:**** Don't own the book, but I do own the CD. Okay so I don't, sue me.**

**WAIT PLEASE DON'T SUE ME!!!!**

**Kylie's**

We once again left the hummer a couple blocks away. The rest of the way we went on foot. When we got to the house we hopped in through the Bathroom window. We landed in our spy poses!!

"Have you guys noticed that we do our spy poses every time we do this??" asked Daytona.

"Duh its fun!" answered Sam.

"SHHHHHHH!!" I quieted them. We couldn't afford to be caught. "I don't want to spend life in JAIL!!" I whisper yelled.

My rant was interrupted by a screeching sound coming from the bathroom. 

"AHHH!! It burns!" we all yelled.

"OH my god!!" I said finally realizing what the noise was. "That's Lauren singing Brittany Spears!!" I said disgusted.

"EWWW." Sam said.

"GIMME MORE! GIMME MORE! GIMME MORE MORE MORE!!" Lauren screeched in the bathroom.

"I think I'm going to throw up." Daytona said. Lets go to Taco bell to wait this out." She suggested. Sam and I agreed and we went to taco bell. Hopefully our appetite would return if we got far away enough from Lauren.

_**AN/ Yeah I'm not going to start the killing just yet. I think my characters are hungry. Also I just had to make fun of Brittany. **_


	5. Taco Bell

Taco Bell

AN/ Did you miss me? (Silence) I SAID DID YOU MISS ME? (Silence) EVIL LEPROCAHNS!!

_**We missed you we missed you!! **_

_**That's better. **_

_**I'm so sorry about the long wait that I will make this as long as possible!! Yay!! **_

**Disclaimer:**** Don't you know who owns the taco bell chain?! Its some dude named Frank. **_Shout out to Intoxicated by his presence!!_

Kylei's POV 

We pulled into the Taco Bell drive way. Instantly the smell of Mexican food made us forget completely Brittany spears. We walked through the doors and got in line. We hadn't eaten for three days and were pretty starved.

"Ummm." Started Sam _**(AN/ This is where my Maximum Ride influence comes in guys. Lyra you will love this. It should be funny.) **_"I want Twelve Crunch wrap Supremes and a coke." The person at the counter just gawked at her.

"Twelve?" he asked, skeptically.

"Yes twelve." Sam returned annoyed. I had to strangle my giggles.

"Okay then." He said and looked at Daytona. She thought for a moment before answering.

"I'll take fifteen casadeas. And a coke."

He then looked at me and I pretended to think. In secret I already knew what I wanted. Daytona and Sam know me too well and were snorting, they were trying so hard not to laugh.

"Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm." I said "I'll have sixteen crunch wrap Supremes and a coke." I finished with a smile.

"Okayyyyy." He said drawing out the word. He acted as if he had never served staved mass murderers before. I guess that wasn't in the job description. "Your number 25."

We walked to our seats.

"Kylie. Look. It's a hippie!!" Sam whispered to me. (_**AN/ this actually happened on my birthday two years ago and since then, every year we go to the SAME taco bell and sit at that SAME table. Lol.)**_ I turned to see three guys with SUPER long hair sitting at the table a couple feet away. _**(I sincerely apologize if you were the guys. I was hyped up on sugar and tacos that day remember?) **_They were all sitting around a TV.

"UHHG! The hippies brought a TV to Taco bell??" I whispered back. Sam looked and then snorted. She whispered it to Daytona and we all started to crack up.

Then some one came through the door. It was a girl about 16_** (does any one know who it is? Its one of my favorite people!!) **_ It was Lyra!! AkA Magicmehome!! Yay!!

"Hey cool! LYRA!! I yelled in that special way I have. You know the way were EVERYONE looks at you like you're a mental case.

She looked a little bit confused until she saw that there were three of us and we were back to wearing just jeans and a bite me t-shirt. Then she looked shocked and ran over. She sat down knowing that if she stood it was bound to attract attention and then we might be recognized. I'm not sure how, but its very possible.

"V?" she asked.

"Yeah, otherwise we probably wouldn't have just screamed 'Lyra!!' to you." I said. I am not usually this mean and mouthy, but I was tired and hadn't slept once in the last 27 hours. _**(Sorry I'm being mean but I'm crabby.)**_

"Don't mind her she's just crabby." Said Daytona. She had finished her food about the same time I had. I laid my head on the table and shut my eyes while they talked about who Lyra was. Daytona didn't know her.

Suddenly Sam, who had finished before any of us and had been In the bathroom, burst out of it! Trailing behind her was a MOUNTAIN of soap.

"ATTACK OF THE BUBBLES!!!!!!!!!!!" she screamed and every one, including us, ran out. When we were about 20 feet away, Taco Bell EXPLODED!!!! Bubbles covered _everyone!_ We glared at Sam, which was very hard since we were all covered in bubbles.

"I don't even want to know how you got taco bell to explode in bubbles." I said. We all headed to the hummer and said good-bye to Lyra. She then suggested that we dress like Goths to kill Lauren. We thanked her for her suggestion and threw on some black cloths, chain belts, black makeup, and black hooker heels. _**(I have always wanted to show up to school like that! Just to see how much it would scare people!lol! )**_

And with that, we were off back to Lauren's.

AN/ I made Sam sound slightly like Iggy in Maximum Ride, but that's because me and my friends like to blow stuff up, we have actually never gotten the chance to. But we enjoy lighting things on fire and watching things blow up, so yeah. Did you guys like it? It had almost nothing to do with Twilight, but this was just our quick break from killing people. My characters aren't just heartless murderers! They just hate lots of people!!! By the way, Lyra, I have absolutely NO idea how you got to America and ended up at the same taco bell, so don't ask. REVIEW IF YOU MISSED ME!!

_**Yeah right.**_


	6. Tying up Lauren

**Tying Up Lauren**

AN/ I'm Insulted! No one reviewed. You didn't miss me? (Has long crying rant) Ok then, be that way! I'm gonna make this as short as possible! You people must be punished!! Mwahahahahahhahahha!

**Disclaimer:**** Jasper: I think V is here again.**

**Alice: How can you tell?**

**Jasper: I'm picking up on a lot of anger and insanity.**

**Alice: Are you sure Its V? It could just be Edward. **

**Edward: I HEARD THAT!**

**Alice: You were supposed to!**

**V: Runs in) OH! You are so MEAN jasper! That's it! Come on Alice lets go shopping!**

**Alice: YAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!**

**Jasper: NOOOOOOOOOO! What are you plotting?**

**V: Just because I don't own you doesn't mean I Cant torture you!**

**Kylie's Pov**

We were finally at Lauren's house. Again. So we snuck in through the window silently. Then we ran into the living room yet again adjusting to our spy poses!

I hit my head on the coffee table again.

It hurt.

We surveyed the room. No one was in it. Sam and I snuck silently toward Lauren's room, while Daytona kept an eye out for visitors. Well, more like other people. Who would ever go to Lauren's house?

Sam and I found Lauren asleep. Why they were always asleep only god knows. And I didn't have time to ask.

I did my evil snort/ laugh thing.

"Mwahhahah snort snort whahah snort Ha!!!" Sam looked at me and motioned for Daytona to come in.

Together we set up the stuff and tied Lauren up in her computer chair.

"How do we wake her up?" Daytona asked. I thought for a moment, and then flipped through her CDs. She didn't have anything good. All she had was:

Brittany spears

Hilary Duff

Ally and AJ

Elvis

Uggg! (You may not know this, but I am a music freak. When I'm at home alone I have five different CDs playing in five different rooms. If I'm not listening to music I'm reading. )

I turned the radio to 9.75 and turned the dial all the way up. Blue October came blaring on. Then Lauren screamed awake.

_**AN/ Yep, cliffy. But hey, you didn't review. **_


	7. lauren's dream

Lauren Dream 

AN/ yes I know you all hate me right now. But I have a multitude of reasons for why I couldn't update:

My computer broke down.

I was grounded.

Computer still broken..

Grounded again.

Needed a NEW computer.

Very very bad writer's block.

But, I'm here now.

Disclaimer: No I do not own Twilight. Yes, I really want to get this chapter over with.

Lauren's POV

I was having my favorite dream again. The one with Bella hanging over a boiling pot of lava!!! Screaming and begging me to spare her!!!

"Please!! Please Lauren!!"

"NEVER!!! I will never let you live! You stole Tyler from me!!" I screamed accusingly.

And with that I let her drop.

Into the boiling lava she fell, screaming in a pitch unknown to human ears. I watched as her skin sizzled until it was completely gone! And she was no more.

"Mwahahahahahahahahah snort snort hahahahah cough haha cough hahahah snort!! HA!!!!"

Suddenly, something broke through my thoughts. "Relapse, prevent trigger, intent, now drowned!!!!" And I screamed awake, only to come face to face with two pairs of brown eyes and right in the middle, green ones….

AN/ yep, I scared Lauren, she's heard the legends. Please don't kill me…

Oh, by the way, I updated my profile so you might want to look at that. Many new funny quotes.


	8. Microwave

Microwave??

AN/ I know, it took me forever to update, but I think I might be over my writer's block. Thanks to punkartgurl13. EVERYONE CHEER FOR PUNK ART!!! WHOOOOOO!!! YAYAAAAAAAYYYYY!!!. Okay.

**Disclaimer:**** V:Jaaasssppperrrr!!**

**Jasper: (oh crap).**

**V: Oh jassssppppeeerr!!**

**Jasper: What do YOU want?**

**V: Throws vampire squirrels at Jasper.  
Jasper:AAAAHHHHHHH WHERE THE CRAP DID YOU GET THESE!!! **

**Vampire squirrels: attack jasper's face.**

**V: when I went shopping with Alice. I told you I could still torture you even if I didn't own twilight.**

**Kylie's POV.**

I slapped her. She just wouldn't stop screaming.

"Wow, Ki, that was harsh." Sam said.

"Well she just WOULDN'T SHUT UP!!" I yelled. "Some one get me the cat nip." Daytona handed me the catnip, and I stuffed in her mouth. "There, maybe now she'll stop trying to make my ears bleed."

And then, I took out the scissors. Lauren looked at me terrified and then spit out the catnip.

"BLAH!!"

"I can't believe you don't like it." Sam said with wide eyes. "That's PREMIEM cat nip!!!" Then the door burst open.

"Nooooooo!! It's the cooooooppppppsssss!!" Sam yelled dramatically. I didn't even look up. 

"Hey Bobbie Rae." They both just looked at me.

"Hey V."

"Ummmmm, Ki, do you know this person?" asked Daytona. I just looked at her with a "Duh" expression on my face. "That's it, your making a list of people you know and giving it to me."

"Your just in time, we were just about to use the SCISSSORS!!!" Bobby Rae **(I just cant seem to think up a shorter name for her!!)** squealed.

We all gathered around Lauren, with our scissors, I had the black ones, Daytona the orange, Sam the blue, and Bobby Rae the green. "We should put on some music." Bobby Rae, suggested. So we through on some Fergie.

"Listen up yall"

"This song reminds me of Rosalie." I laughed. "And Sometimes Edward." I added. "Also Alice just because it's a fun song to listen to when your hyper!" They just looked at me. "What??"

Then we started to chop mercilessly at Lauren's hair. "If you really want me," "its so tasty tasty."

After an hour or so, we showed her, her hair.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

This is why we threw on earplugs. Lol. I stuffed her with some more catnip to shut her up. Then we got out the pink hair dye and sparkly pink eyelashes!! We dyed pink streaks in her hair and stuck on the eyelashes. We even included purple lipstick.

Then Bobby Rae's cell phone rang. "Sorry guys, I gotta go home."

"BYYYYEEE!!" we all yelled as she started toward the door.

"But, white rose at Twilight is here, so she can help you." White rose walked out.

"Hey! I didn't think you end up getting here in time, we only have the stickers left to do." White rose took one look at Lauren, and fell down laughing. After about seven minutes she was laughing so hard she was sobbing.

She got up and walked over to help us with the stickers. We stuck them all over her face and hair, which now had huge gaps in it. When we were done, we stepped back, and took a picture with the disposable camera.

"Awesome." Daytona said.

"Lets put this on the internet." Sam suggested, so White rose and Daytona guarded Lauren, hoping she wouldn't try what Jake did, while me and Sam put the picture on our profiles.

"Kay, I'm out of here." Said white rose. She left us with the dirty work.

"Okay, some one plug in the microwave." Lauren looked terrified. We stuffed her fat butt into the microwave, and then we put it on popcorn.

**"pop pop pop pop pop poppoppoppoppopopopppopopopop!!!" **

"I think she's dead." Daytona said, and we turned the microwave off.

Then the door BURST open. There stood Iambellaswan1 with her terrible bendy straw. "Heeeyyyy, you said I could help V." then there was a moan from the microwave.

"Every body stand back!!" Iabs1 said. She walked toward the microwave and threw her bendy straw of doom!!

It didn't work.

But then Punkartgurl13 walked in. "I'll handle this. Evil squirrels ATTACK!!!" Her evil squirrel army had brought flame thrower's. We all ducked down quickly before the flamethrowers attacked every thing including the microwave. The sounds of pain stopped.

"Well, our job here is finished." Said Punk Art. "Lets go, Iabs1."

We were about to leave to, but just to make it seem stranger; we egged the remaining parts of the house.

_**AN/ If you guys don't review for this one, I am going to be **__**very **__**mad!!.**_


	9. alllleeeerrrttttt

ALERTTTTTTTTTT!! 

**If you have me you probably got a pm saying this:**

**NOTICE:**

**VAMPIRESSE12B IS ANGRY WITH EVERYONE ON HER ALERT LIST FOR NOT REVIEWING AND THIS NOTICE SHALL BE SENT TO EVERY ONE OF THEM.**

**-VAMPIRESSE12B**

**this is going to all of you because I know you are reading my story and I want you to stop forcing me to suffer from writer's block. I'm sick of you reading and not reviewing. And if you didn't get this message its because this stupid thing wont let me send more than 24 per day, which is just pointless. **

**So now you know, if you don't review, I get angry, and yell at you. And ** **C.McPherson, I'm not trying to yell at you. I'm just sending this to you guys because its starting to make it hard to write. Chill. **

**-V**


	10. Pweeeaaassseee?

Pweeeaaassseee???

AN/ Okay, so you guys remember Skyla right? No? She was the girl we threw out for saying that the twilight characters aren't real. If you really cant remember her, then go back to The Day Crazed Fans Torture/Killed Jacob Black chapter 1. By the way, did any one else see the painted veil? I was crying so hard!!

**Disclaimer: ****Edward: Say it.**

**V: But…**

**Edward: SAY IT OR I'LL TELL EVERYONE WHO YOU LIKE!!**

**V: gasp!!! You're worse than Daytona.**

**Edward: I don't care. Say it.**

**V: Fine! I don't own twilight.**

**Edward: SHE LIKES…..!!**

**V: Strangles Edward during midsentence. **

**Kylie's POV**

She wasn't going to let us in. I just knew it. Skyla wasn't the kind of person you find hanging out with mass murderer's. I knocked on the door.

"Coming!" I heard Skyla call from her kitchen I was guessing. She opened the door and her mouth dropped open. "The three of you have certainly been busy." She scolded. Skyla was probably like the annoying mother of my friends. Always in your business, and if she wasn't, when she found out, she would make you feel guilty about not telling her.

"I told you you could kill fictional characters." Daytona said.

"Skyyyy…." I started, using the nickname that we barley used unless we wanted to butter her up. "We were wondering… if we could stay here?" As soon as I said that, Sam and Daytona dropped down on their knees and said.

"Pweeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaassssssssssssssssssssseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee???"

"Fine." Skyla finally agreed. And then we all paraded into her house to endure the long investigation.

AN/ Every one please try to go on my poll, I'm at loss of what to write next.


	11. gregg

Gregg. Haha. Funny.

_**AN/ Yeah, I know you all hate me. Get over it. **_

**Disclaimer****I do not own twilight. That will never change**.

Gregg's POV 

Again. Those crazy fan girls had killed another person. I realized that all the deaths had been of characters for the book Twilight. I was putting every twilight character under FBI protection for the rest of the month. I doubted they would be able to last that long with out killing some one.

_**AN/ Yep that about wraps up this case. Who will we kill next? Guess.**_


End file.
